Well I must say I am nearly at the point of asking my partner, what has he been doing since I was away, for some unknown reason our sex is different. By that I mean it feels different, a ‘quickie’ goes longer than normal and he is if there is a word for it much more determine to ‘ride’ the situation out. It feels abnormal to me, not forced but certainly with no consideration to me whilst it’s happening.
He is even asking at night now, we changed our sex habits to suit our working stress and agreed that at night it is mainly too hard, too tired from the day with work & travel & everything in between, having and performing sex was ruining our marriage. If he wanted it & I didn’t I would have to say no and vice versa, so we discussed the fact and agreed it was too much pressure and perhaps sex in the morning before the day begins was better. This has suited us for years.
I don’t know whether to say anything but will as I’m the type, I might not like the answer you say. That’s ok but I need to know the answer, which is more important. After being away for only 2 weeks I can not think why it has changed. I know that it will not be because there was somebody else, we live remotely so that is out of the question but I am wondering if he read an article to say women are more satisfied if you go longer. Some are and some aren’t, I like the quickie, there are no expectations and no uncomfortable positions, it’s ‘hop on & hop off” enough to feel good about starting the day.
Either way, there needs to be a frank discussion as one of us is feeling uncomfortable (me) and that puts added stress on the situation and I don’t want to say no more times than I do now. I know I shouldn’t but sometimes I just can not be bothered, it is not lack of sexual desire, it’s just I would prefer to sleep in sometimes.
Love is an art, it is nurture and nature, as children we are nurtured by others (mostly) in a caring loving environment. It is in everybody nature to love and be loved, there is much statistical data on babies that ‘fail to thrive’ when born because they are not nursed and loved, men & women who live lives without partners can die earlier deaths and we all know of stories of the people who die of a broken heart. There are also many death notices that go on for years from people who have lost loved ones and they don’t recover.
It is medically good for people to find their ‘soul mate’ a person who they can share with, laugh with and love. Love is not just about sex in fact most times it is far from it. For those who are in long-term relationships sex can sometimes leave the building and it is replaced with a sense of intimacy and understanding. I for one would not be able to tolerate an open marriage or a partner who is having sex with other people, I speak from experience, as soon as I caught him out, I was gone. This is a complete (in my opinion) breach of trust, I trusted him to care enough for me to tell me and I saw the signs without realising I had caught him out, I did it in front of a girl friend. All I did was comment on how for a man who had been surfing all day – he looked like he just stepped out of a shower. I meant he must have been at his mothers and cleaned up – he started yelling and saying how dare I accuse him of cheating. To this day I still wonder how it got from shower to cheating… guilty conscience perhaps?
If you have children, they are your greatest love, you can teach them and love them by the power of positive thinking and positive words. To tell someone everyday how nice they are, how clever they are is much more beneficial to their sense of self-worth than to continually yell. I have on occasions pulled girlfriends up during public tirades at their children to tell them to pick their battles, really is yelling over a soft drink really necessary – what is the real reason for the anger? Could it be anger at another person and the little one be the only thing you can strike out at?
Self worth is taught and nurtured and these children who have this are not necessarily the best and the brightest but they a belief that the adult in their lives is ‘watching their backs”. Whether they do right or wrong, the object of a loved child is to do their best. This should be the same in any adult relationship. Do you best, be honest with yourself first, there is no shame in keeping secrets but there is if it disrespect the significant other in you life. Be kind & be true for you many never know when you may lose that person or need to rely on that person to help you. Love is an art and you are the canvas, the brush and the paint – how would your canvas look and what colours would you paint if you were given the task today to ‘paint your love’?
Mine would have small dots of black (for dark & sad times) it would have pinks & blues to represent my children, it would have stripes of whites, navy’s, yellows and green to represent the animals and pets. It would have reds, purples and greys representing the favourite colours of my family & friends these would all be contained within a heart as it starts and ends with me.
We have all been there, the recipient of a sexual marathon, you know when you want it to be over and your partner wants to show sexual poweress. Changing positions to suit their needs not thinking of the other person whilst it becomes uncomfortable for you and they make themselves at home either ignoring you or completely lost in their own thoughts.
Lets face it sex is not like in the movies, there rarely is candles, mood lighting, food & wine with white flowing night attire, big beautiful bed with luxurious linen. Normally it’s a bed that may or may not have been made from when you got out of it, the TV may be on (mood lighting) or off (doing it in the dark) curtains open (if there is privacy & a full moon) or it may be in the morning depending on your habits.
But the Marathon is quite boring and sometimes painful. There are men who wish to thrust so hard they for some unknown reason want to touch your cervix, which for all information can be painful and cause a woman to faint, not in pleasure but as a physiological response to an unnatural stimulus. Some men will try to rotate on top of you, I have never understood this action and will clamp my legs around his back to stop this action, this along with hard heavy thrusting will give a woman thrush, or a urinary tract infection. Which both are painful and require antibiotics and 1 weeks treatment (perhaps for the woman a welcome relief from the sex). I have moved clocks during the epics of a marathon occasions so that I do not find myself time watching, wishing it would be over by now.
Then when the male gets tired, they want you to roll on top, this is another annoying action that takes almost a degree in athletics for women to do. There is nothing pleasurable in having your breasts bouncing, it is painful and uncomfortable, if you have larger than a ‘B’ cup. It also can be painful as the penis is moved into another unnatural position. By the time it is finished unless you are using added lubricant it can be uncomfortable and tiring. It’s much like alcohol sex where at times I have found myself thinking “are we there yet”.
This being my first blog, I have chosen to remain anonymous for the fact that this is not about picking up benefits in discussing sex. I want to be able to make comment without judgement and without bias. This is not about naming and shaming of my sexual partners, nor is it about verbal ‘bashing of men in general. I love men, I love my husband but there are things that make us so different, compatible and unique, I am female. I am monogamous and enjoy a healthy sex life with my life partner. I have never used sex as a weapon i.e. “if you don’t do this, I won’t do this” I believe in keeping sex out of arguments and I have never discussed my sex life with my girlfriends, sisters or others. I respect myself and my partner (& ex partners) too much – perhaps in this statement it is more about doing to others what you want done to yourself (self preservation in break ups)
What this blog is about is diversity (perhaps a little whinging) but I wish to keep it respectful, decent and educational, I want to learn from others in that I want to understand the male species a bit better.